How territorial are you? Am i normal?


blinx9900

blinx9900

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Dec 5, 2006
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So i have been thinking lately i am an extremely territorial person, and just wondering if i should bring it down a bit or do any of you guys agree with me? Basically am i alone in this? Here are some exmples:

-nobody better park in front of my ****ing house unless i know them.
-nobody better lay there eyes on my lady for more than 2 seconds.
-nobody better lay there eyes on me for more than 2 seconds.
-nobody better lay there eyes on my friends for more than 2 seconds.
-i don't like it when someone is rude to one of my friends, even if its one of there friends that i may not know.
-if i am out with a female friend that i am not having sexual relations with i still ALWAYS make sure she will remain in visual sight, if not i make sure to leave a friend with her if i have to use the toilet or something.
-i have my own section in the fridge.
-i have my own section in the freezer.
-i have my own section in the bathroom and share it only with 1 roommate who's hygiene rivals mine.
-i believe in a relationship you own your woman and she owns you.
-i believe i can tell my woman if i feel her clothing is not appropriate.
-when peeing in a urinal no man should pee next to me if the next space over is available
-i cannot go #2 in a bathroom if anybody else is there, or if i know someone else is nearby like right outside the door waiting.
-i don't like people touching me for any reason, even women.
-i don't like anybody touching my face for any reason unless its my girlfriend or mother.
-i don't like when i see someone at my friends house open his fridge without asking when they don't know him that well.
-i feel that my friends should consult me first before they make a purchase of anything that i am an expert in, like cars or electronics etc.
-i have on some occasions wanted to ban people from ek9.org because i felt that they did not "fit in".
-if i am walking with a woman i make sure she is close to me and if there are cars nearby i am always walking on the side closest to said car in case the car should jump the curb
-i don't like it when someone parks next to my car and the next spot over is available.
-i don't like it when im in a grocery store looking at an item and someone tries to look at the same item at the same time and stands very close to me.
-i don't like anybody standing closer than 2ft from me

Am i crazy here? I'm having a hard time explaining myself here but does anybody understand what im saying or am i just bonkers?
 
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That's alot of dislikes lol however some things you mention would bug me also. Would it be fair to say you are a little protective/possessive?
 
You're not crazy man, far from it, I think a lot of what you've mentioned above is very normal 'alpha male' behaviour. I have acted in an almost identical way for many years, and have got myself into a LOT of conflict because of it. At least up until very recently (the last year or so)..

It was when I became interested in and started reading into the eastern philosophies (buddism, taoism, etc) and psychology that I started to unravel why it was I acted that way.

From a psychological perspective, I think that many of those traits are due in the most part to 'personal boundry' issues (or holes in your personal boundry wall - where you have a hole for something, such as someone staring at you, that thing can very easily get deep into your being and make you mad/upset/etc) paired with being an alpha male. I used to have that exact same hole, but only yesterday someone started at me for a long time and for the first time ever, I just accepted that it was their sh*t that made them do it, not mine, and by not allowing it to bother me, I felt amazing.

I'm assuming since you've posted what you have, that you've started to notice some inner conflict because of all this? That's the beginning of something beautiful if you have..

A lot of negative behavioral traits can also be traced back to the programming we've received from a very young age. Much of this is actually very counter-productive behaviour (as with much of the programming we recieve thoughout our lives) and can be undone with a little effort. And when you do start to change this stuff, you really look back and wonder what sense there was to acting that way.

So whilst you can see this stuff from a psychological perspective, which I think is massively helpful (I'm in the midst of trying to undo 25 years of bad programming right now!) I also think that there's some merit to looking at this stuff from the point of view of the eastern philosophies.

Not saying you need to start dressing in orange robes or the like, hell, I still do what ever I want (I won't have the rules dictated to me by anyone), but the difference for me between now and a year ago is that I've started to just accept. And I mean accept everything. Imagine how it would feel to just accept yourself as you are, completely, right now. I think we so often beat ourselves up for not conforming as we think we should (also down to programming), but then 99% of us believe that we are simply a collection of our thoughts and beliefs. In reality (and I've had moments of late that to me, prove this) we are something so much more than that. All the mind chatter that goes on is not who you are, you are a pure form of energy, in some way connected to everything. And if you can truly see and believe that, your well on your way to something greater than most will ever realize. The rabbit hole just gets deeper and deeper once you start!

The one thing that I've found throughout all of my learnings of late though, is that it's one thing to realize all this, and another to actually change. Changing so many years of living a certain way is in no respect an easy task, and trying hard to change it would not be 'accepting', it just needs to be given the space to change. But still, being human, you have that tendency to beat yourself up when you're not doing what you thing you should.

The moral is, for me at least, just to let it all go, say 'f*ck it' once in a while, breathe deep, accept it, and realize that all there is is impermanence and that 'this too shall pass'.

Hope this helps some, and if you like a bit of a read, hit me up for some good books sometime..
 
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Interesting posts. very serious and philosophical.

Blinx, I have a quick test for you to determine is you are crazy. youll like this, they do it at the mental institutions...

Your put next to a bathtub full of water, your issued with a teaspoon, a tablespoon and a bucket. Tell me how you empty the bathtub?
 
Very deep stuff there! But... in a 100% honest society most of these things would be considered a bit out of the norm, but every now and again you will encounter an absolute nutter. That's when these behaviours will come into their own and you'll spot some low life trying to, for example, spike a lady's drink or some nutter doing 60mph in a 30mph zone and move away from the road etc etc I actually can relate to a LOT of those things you mentioned! Thing's like parking next to your car when there is a million free spaces about annoys me because if they are the type of person to do that then are they gonna care if they open their door on your car?

Anyways, i'm done lol
 
Very deep guys. Yeah most of those things you listed will bug alot of people I have found I can be wound up far to easily at times, but getting better of late as Jokeshopbeard has said you feel really good when you just rise above something. Sure there will be times you will get annoyed like when that dosey twot that parked next to you does hit your car with their door but it can all be sorted.

Other things on you list are just a little OCD but then dont we all have a bit of that. I have a space in my fridge ay home just for my stuff (its the little bit in the top of the door so it even has a lid :D) I also like every thing to be aligned correctly like my coster on the desk at work and my mouse mat are all up the right way little things like that, and blokes will always be a little over protective of females or friends we love of like its just an instinct unfortunatly as has been mentioned nasty/silly people can and do exist.

Oh btw EK9Turbo i'm itching to answer that, is that like the question you have an elephant and a fridge, How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
 
EK9turbo said:
Your put next to a bathtub full of water, your issued with a teaspoon, a tablespoon and a bucket. Tell me how you empty the bathtub?
Click to expand...

Dont know if this makes me crazy but would stick my head in the bath and try and drink all of the water using the bucket for a urinal :nice:

Wouldn't say your crazy just a person who likes their own space :p
 
J Male said:
Dont know if this makes me crazy but would stick my head in the bath and try and drink all of the water using the bucket for a urinal :nice:

Wouldn't say your crazy just a person who likes their own space :p
Click to expand...

I'm ashamed you're my brother.

Surely the right answer is to start off with the bucket until it gets really low and then use the tablespoon. And then when it gets really really low use the teaspoon.

Second thoughts, just pull the plug out?
 
Blinx you need to chill out a bit
 
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JSB i totally understand what your saying, i at one time was going to school to become a psychologist but changed paths about halfway through so much of what you say i am familiar with. I have always been the type of person to try to see my own faults/flaws and try to improve on them promising myself to never turn my back on the truth no matter how bad it is.

People staring at me i have learned to let go of recently, i just assume they are looking at my car, but when its in public it does start to bother me... Why? That is the question i am setting out to answer. I am always open to new things, ideas, philosophies and the idea that everything i stand for, do, or preach could all be wrong.

I think the staring thing comes from growing up in a bad neighborhood as a kid, i used to look really crazy and intimidating and im not trying to say i was a tough guy and everybody feared me, but in that neighborhood if you didn't look tough people would mess with you a lot. After a while i moved away, grew up and cut my hair (i had dreads) and shaved off my goatee (6" long split into 2 spikes), removed all my facial piercings and set out to look like a normal human being. Before i did that i know when people stared at me it was i looked crazy and i can see they did fear me a bit, it's sad to say but i recall one time specifically i was walking past a woman and her kids, as i got closer she pulled her children closer as if i was a monster! It didn't bother me, like i said i had to portray myself that way in those times, i was a young kid in a bad neighborhood.

These days as i mentioned i look normal, when people stare at me i can't figure out why, and they certainly are not afraid of me, which does bother me a bit because im used to the opposite, this is where the years of programming need to be undone. Nobody needs to or should fear anybody and i truly believe that.

As far as eastern ideas i am Persian so they are not too foreign to me, though i am no expert in the field either.

As far as a hole or emptiness i certainly do feel that way at times, not sure if its related to all of the behaviors i mentioned above and yes there absolutely is internal conflict within me as there is in all of us, i try to be as self aware as possible but at times i am too smart for my own good. My mind is very good at justifying my actions and making them seem normal, this is my biggest struggle, i can literally justify any act no matter how cruel it is (feel free to try this with me, you may be surprised), i do not believe there is a right or wrong, only majority perspective and minority perspective. This concept really effs me up sometimes.

I am not a religious man so i have no god or church to turn to. My family is wonderful and loving but they cannot understand me in regards to these complicated topics. I had one friend who i could speak to about these sort of things but he passed away, i had a second friend as well but her and i no longer speak for various reasons. With that said despite having a large loving family and more wonderful friends than any man can hope for i still am left with somewhat a sense of emptiness or incompleteness. At first i confused these feelings with loneliness but it is not that. I am not lonely at all, more so i feel incomplete and im trying my hardest to forge forward and become a better man.

I hate my job so much i went back to school, once i finish i will have a great job and hopefully my mother won't have to work anymore. I should be finished in about six months but i don't know if i can even stay at this job for that long. I guess this is another problem on its own, it's just been so long that i feel that i am stagnant. Sometimes i wonder what happened to the old me, the me that was always moving forward, the me that was motivated!


EK9turbo- i would just walk away, if the bathtub is not in my house i would have no desire to resolve the issue, it's just water anyway right?
 
Wow Blinx, you do have alot of dislikes lol...

I can definitely relate to some of them but in general im pretty ok/laid back. I dont think your crazy but i would think a few to many unnecessary issues if im honest.

I have other weird pet hates that makes me quite strange at the best of times. Think we are all weird in different ways.
 
the urinal one is a general un-said rule .

the parking space is also just common sense and decency .
 
Blinx,

Step back, breathe and think is it worth confrontation, your time or you thinnking about it.

Will, Definatly pull out the plug. (If that is a secret option)
 
Marcus Butlerus said:
Blinx,

Step back, breathe and think is it worth confrontation, your time or you thinnking about it.

Will, Definatly pull out the plug. (If that is a secret option)
Click to expand...

not a secret option, this is real life. things often distranct people from the goal at hand but the solution is normally quite simple! :nice: Pulling the plug was the most sensible suggestion
 
Why do people still stare? I think that’s a very easy question to answer man – it’s because of their own sh*t/issues. Why does it still bother you? Because you have a weak spot for that. If you can accept that weak spot maybe it would not be a weak spot any more but a part of the whole, complete being that is you.

I think my story is very similar to yours; I too came up in a rough environment, and had to dress, walk, talk and fight to prove myself on an almost daily basis. Even the people who I would’ve counted as ‘friends’ at the time were quick to give you a beating if you stepped out of line. I never took it personally or hated it, that was just how it was, you did what you had to.

Admittedly my dress sense/outward appearance probably wasn’t quite as wild as yours, but I did have a real hard time re-submerging myself back into a normal society. When I went back to college at 18 after deciding to try and get my life back in order after 5 years of madness, I still held on tight to that ‘don’t f*ck with me’ attitude for many years, since it was all I had known for so long. I mean I really was an aggressive little b*stard, far better (and more comfortable for that matter) at making enemies than making friends. The slightest glimmer of a stare from someone (which most times was probably innocent) and I would be staring right back, and at worst case scenario, getting right in their faces. But then it’s easier to just hate other people who don’t fit in with you or who you don’t fit in with, rather than to question why.

And that’s just the thing about the staring; it was me that had the problem. I was the dickhead who felt I had something to prove. And I was the one who often brought **** into other people’s lives.

But I think you shouldn’t be surprised if/when people still fear you a little (or even if they don’t), that person that you used to be is still a part of you. Again, I’m much the same; No one has any reason to fear me, I’m just not interested in aggression any more. But none the less in most of life (at work, meeting new people etc) I still get tarred with that brush a little since that’s the person I was for so long. Maybe one day that will change, but whether it does or not, I accept that. I accept who I am and all that comes from that.

On the justification thing, I truly know that one!! Has been a bad habit of mine for a long time, although I have to admit, since this feeling of acceptance has come into my life, I don’t notice it so much. Whether that’s because I’m doing it less or that I’m just accepting that part of me, I couldn’t tell you.

And have you considered that that feeling of incompleteness could actually stem from trying too hard to become a better man? Since my journey to ‘awakening’ has started, I sometimes feel this way when I go for a period of time without learning anything new, since I know that there is so much to learn, so many ways in which I can become a better man, and when I don’t follow through with them I find I kick myself a little. I too have many good friends whom I’ve met through all different walks of life, and a great family, but none I can really talk this stuff through with. Most times, if I try, it is greeted with only confusion, argument or non-understanding. Hence the responsibility to learn falls entirely with me, and that can make it far more of difficult than when you have another to bounce your ideas and feelings off.

I wonder about the old me too, the me that had complete self discipline on any task and who knew exactly who he was and what he wanted. And whilst I’m not that person any more, and I do miss him sometimes, I know that it’s a constant evolution. I’ll continue to change, as everything does. And the best thing? My mind is open to possibilities that I never even knew existed before. Just by accepting that I have changed, will change and will never remain in the same place for long, I can be truly at peace for the first time. And it only gets better from here…
 
hmmm I think the real question to be asked here is why blinxxx has put up such a personal confession about himself. By putting this up I'm guessing that you need to talk to someone and that the things you mentioned in the list are becoming a bit of a concern. However most of the things you mentioned are quite normal in the sense that you are a very possesive person and you like to have your own private space. Thats not a problem, far from it. I believe that maintaining a certain amount of space helps you think in difficult situations.

On the other hand though, other things you mentioned such as the people staring at you and the watching over female friends and the parking thing are a step further and an exageration of your possesiveness. Even though your intentions are kind and protective, when you try to setup a protective space around your friend, you actually invade that person's privacy and space. Do you see the contradiction? You dont like people invading and so you put up a barrier around you and your friends but while doing this you INVADE your own friends.

On a side and humorous note I actually laughed when I read the I dont like people touching me for no reason. In my country people speak and hug strangers as if they've known them for years lofl. Its typical Maltese behaviour lol. The notion of culture puts a LOT of variables into this discussion. For example the italians and other europeans kiss each other on the cheeks 3 times when greeting someone, even between men and its not considered gay.

PS- 'I don't like people staring at me or my friends for longer than 2 seconds' - What do you actually do if someone does that?
 
Theres a lot of things on that list!

I'm probably the most laid back person I know I think, proabably too laid back. I understand the carpark thing though, that winds me up too! However, the girl thing I just dont understand. I think I told my ex ONCE in the 2 and a half years we went out that I wasnt too fond of what she was wearing (and I think that was because she looked plain rediculous, not because it was slutty) If shes going to wear a short skirt / low top who cares? As long as her tits arent actually out, no one is seeing any less than they would at the beach / swimming pool, would you care about whay she was wearing there? We would go on nights out, and sometimes we wouldnt see each other for like an hour. I was probably with my mates, and she was probably with hers. I knew she wouldnt cheat, simple as. If someone wants to have a go, let them. They wont get anywhere and at the end of the night she would be coming home with me so I wanst bothered. She however, was not quite so trusting and that bugged me haha.

Again, I think you just need to chill out with the staring thing. Do you look at other people? Of course you do, people look at each other. It doesnt mean they have a problem or hate you, they are just having a look...no reason, just looking.

Certainly dont think your crazy though, some peoples minds are just more active than others I reckon.
 
you are not alone blinx...we have somethings in common specially with the female issues..but as a male it is our right to protect the female
 
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