Need Epic Help with Car Not Starting

[GTLVR82]

When I insert my key and turn it all the way the fuel pump primes. When I attempt to crank it over it dies completely. If I attempt it again nothing turns on and nothing happens like the car/battery is completely dead. If I come back and do it a bit later it repeats itself (fuel pump primes, attempt to start, dies,...stays dead).
I looked up some stuff about the main relay and I have been inspecting the solder (I am an electronics technician) but I don't see any micro-cracking on the solder points in the main relay. Is there a way to test it while it's out of the vehicle...or is that even the problem?

 

[808Army]

did u try jump starting the car with jumper cables might want check grounds.

 

[GTLVR82]

It acts like it wants to start..see above..I'll check grounds. I'll be doing this tomorrow because it's dark out now.

http://www.tegger.com/hondafaq/mainrelayoperation/badmainrelay.html

 

[Daniel_Ek9]

Sounds like a bad battery to me.. Do your lights work still??

 

[GTLVR82]

lemme go check...ironically I didn't check that.

 

[808Army]

if it starts when jump the car. it's battery

 

[GTLVR82]

I hit the switch for the lights without the key in the ignition and they didn't come on and my interior light when out.........probably my battery. I'll check it tomorrow.

 

[GTLVR82]

Ok 12.52v on the battery. It's obviously good. Starter connections are all kosher. (I don't know the British words for these but hopefully ya'll get what I'm sayin). I will be going through the whole electrical system tomorrow. F__K